On Dining Out Alone

I love staying home.  I can be pretty content coming home after work, hopping on line for a little while, fixing dinner, settling in with a book, a movie, or something on the TV.  But there are times when I just need to get out.  Away from the house.  Have someone serve me a meal.  Sit in a darkened theatre with a massive screen and sound that engulfs you.  A drink.  But I think I'm just going to address the part about eating out.

As an adult I have been in and out of relationships.  I have friends that can go out at a moment's notice, and some who you just can't schedule time far enough in advance.  But what should I do when I want to go out and no one's available?

I first started going out to the movies on my own when I was in high school.  There was a movie that I loved (and no, I'm not going to name the movie here), and I went and saw it at least 10 times.  Now, there was just no way I was going to find that many people willing to go see it with me, so I would just go alone.  But a meal is different.  You can be pretty anonymous at the movies.  It's dark.

A restaurant is a completely different animal.  You're sitting there for everyone to see.  At a table for 2, setting for 1. Always feels like you get seated at the worst table in the place, stuck in a corner by the bathroom, or in the middle of the room.  And most of the time it's just not worth it.  You end up in some generic eating establishment with (at best) average food.  So do you go?  I don't.  Not for average, but I don't think twice about going out on my own.

I grab a book, sometimes an mp3 player and headphones, and go out the door.  It's liberating.  I don't have to wait to see if someone wants to go out with me.  I don't need to work around another person's schedule.  I don't have to try and accomodate another person's taste or where they want to go.  I get to choose!  And that is pretty liberating.  I have gotten over the fear of being out there alone.  I used to wonder what kind of impression I was making.  The book and headphones were something of a barrier to protect me from what others might thing.  Now, it's a part of what I do.  I get to relax and enjoy a meal of my choice with a book, taking my time to really enjoy what I'm having.  I love to sit at the bar or counter if I can.  I don't want to take a table if I don't need to and I get to watch what's going on, especially at some of the smaller local places around here.  And I find that I am not denying myself company.  I usually end up talking with someone else who's sitting at the bar/counter.  You don't usually lean over to the next table and ask how they're enjoying their meal, do you?

I do know that this is now my second post about being single and doing something alone, but I want to say that there is nothing wrong with going out on your own.  Nothing to be afraid of.  I guess I could make more of an effort to have company.  I could reach out to my friends a little more often and ask if they would like to join me, but I don't let not having a "date" stop me.  It's good to take the time for yourself, and you never know who you might end up meeting?  Who wants to miss out?

Brunch at the Black Sheep.

In the Moment

Sometimes it sucks being single.  Not all the time, and it's not as if it's something I dwell on, but it does have a tendency to smack you in the face once in a while.  And it's just not being single.  Sometimes it's feeling alone.  Most of the time it's a kind of an absence.  You're not happy, sad, dissatisfied, upset, please.  You don't realize something's missing until something else comes to highlight the void.  A lot like how you find black holes, I guess.  You don't know they're there until you look at how it affects the light around it.

But the thoughts tonight aren't about some black hole, void, empty feeling.  Quite the opposite.

I made a nice dinner for myself tonight and accompanied it with a glass of wine.  The day was pretty hot, but the evening was turning out very nicely, a cool breeze as twilight was falling.  I had dinner outside by candlelight (citronella, since I happen to be mosquito bait) and took my time, enjoying each bite, reading a book and enjoying each slip of wine.  Then came the really good part.

I leaned my head back, put my feet up on another chair, and looked up.  The sun's pretty much set and it was getting darker, but I could still see well enough.  The bats flying by as they go about their nightly business, the candles flickering.  I closed my eyes and felt content.  I wasn't thinking about yesterday, I wasn't worried about what would happen at work tomorrow.  I knew how I felt at that moment.  And it was good.

I need to spend more time doing that.  Figure out how to enjoy those moments more, and to make more of my every day something worth remember.

If

by Rudyard Kipling


If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not makes dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And Lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can walk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

Comic of the Day

Sometimes siblings aren't that bad.