Sometimes it sucks being single. Not all the time, and it's not as if it's something I dwell on, but it does have a tendency to smack you in the face once in a while. And it's just not being single. Sometimes it's feeling alone. Most of the time it's a kind of an absence. You're not happy, sad, dissatisfied, upset, please. You don't realize something's missing until something else comes to highlight the void. A lot like how you find black holes, I guess. You don't know they're there until you look at how it affects the light around it.
But the thoughts tonight aren't about some black hole, void, empty feeling. Quite the opposite.
I made a nice dinner for myself tonight and accompanied it with a glass of wine. The day was pretty hot, but the evening was turning out very nicely, a cool breeze as twilight was falling. I had dinner outside by candlelight (citronella, since I happen to be mosquito bait) and took my time, enjoying each bite, reading a book and enjoying each slip of wine. Then came the really good part.
I leaned my head back, put my feet up on another chair, and looked up. The sun's pretty much set and it was getting darker, but I could still see well enough. The bats flying by as they go about their nightly business, the candles flickering. I closed my eyes and felt content. I wasn't thinking about yesterday, I wasn't worried about what would happen at work tomorrow. I knew how I felt at that moment. And it was good.
I need to spend more time doing that. Figure out how to enjoy those moments more, and to make more of my every day something worth remember.
