On Dining Out Alone

I love staying home.  I can be pretty content coming home after work, hopping on line for a little while, fixing dinner, settling in with a book, a movie, or something on the TV.  But there are times when I just need to get out.  Away from the house.  Have someone serve me a meal.  Sit in a darkened theatre with a massive screen and sound that engulfs you.  A drink.  But I think I'm just going to address the part about eating out.

As an adult I have been in and out of relationships.  I have friends that can go out at a moment's notice, and some who you just can't schedule time far enough in advance.  But what should I do when I want to go out and no one's available?

I first started going out to the movies on my own when I was in high school.  There was a movie that I loved (and no, I'm not going to name the movie here), and I went and saw it at least 10 times.  Now, there was just no way I was going to find that many people willing to go see it with me, so I would just go alone.  But a meal is different.  You can be pretty anonymous at the movies.  It's dark.

A restaurant is a completely different animal.  You're sitting there for everyone to see.  At a table for 2, setting for 1. Always feels like you get seated at the worst table in the place, stuck in a corner by the bathroom, or in the middle of the room.  And most of the time it's just not worth it.  You end up in some generic eating establishment with (at best) average food.  So do you go?  I don't.  Not for average, but I don't think twice about going out on my own.

I grab a book, sometimes an mp3 player and headphones, and go out the door.  It's liberating.  I don't have to wait to see if someone wants to go out with me.  I don't need to work around another person's schedule.  I don't have to try and accomodate another person's taste or where they want to go.  I get to choose!  And that is pretty liberating.  I have gotten over the fear of being out there alone.  I used to wonder what kind of impression I was making.  The book and headphones were something of a barrier to protect me from what others might thing.  Now, it's a part of what I do.  I get to relax and enjoy a meal of my choice with a book, taking my time to really enjoy what I'm having.  I love to sit at the bar or counter if I can.  I don't want to take a table if I don't need to and I get to watch what's going on, especially at some of the smaller local places around here.  And I find that I am not denying myself company.  I usually end up talking with someone else who's sitting at the bar/counter.  You don't usually lean over to the next table and ask how they're enjoying their meal, do you?

I do know that this is now my second post about being single and doing something alone, but I want to say that there is nothing wrong with going out on your own.  Nothing to be afraid of.  I guess I could make more of an effort to have company.  I could reach out to my friends a little more often and ask if they would like to join me, but I don't let not having a "date" stop me.  It's good to take the time for yourself, and you never know who you might end up meeting?  Who wants to miss out?

Brunch at the Black Sheep.

In the Moment

Sometimes it sucks being single.  Not all the time, and it's not as if it's something I dwell on, but it does have a tendency to smack you in the face once in a while.  And it's just not being single.  Sometimes it's feeling alone.  Most of the time it's a kind of an absence.  You're not happy, sad, dissatisfied, upset, please.  You don't realize something's missing until something else comes to highlight the void.  A lot like how you find black holes, I guess.  You don't know they're there until you look at how it affects the light around it.

But the thoughts tonight aren't about some black hole, void, empty feeling.  Quite the opposite.

I made a nice dinner for myself tonight and accompanied it with a glass of wine.  The day was pretty hot, but the evening was turning out very nicely, a cool breeze as twilight was falling.  I had dinner outside by candlelight (citronella, since I happen to be mosquito bait) and took my time, enjoying each bite, reading a book and enjoying each slip of wine.  Then came the really good part.

I leaned my head back, put my feet up on another chair, and looked up.  The sun's pretty much set and it was getting darker, but I could still see well enough.  The bats flying by as they go about their nightly business, the candles flickering.  I closed my eyes and felt content.  I wasn't thinking about yesterday, I wasn't worried about what would happen at work tomorrow.  I knew how I felt at that moment.  And it was good.

I need to spend more time doing that.  Figure out how to enjoy those moments more, and to make more of my every day something worth remember.

If

by Rudyard Kipling


If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not makes dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And Lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can walk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

Comic of the Day

Sometimes siblings aren't that bad.

Ode to a Library

Bookworm's Heaven

I had to return a few library books last night. It was late, and I only had 15 minutes before the library closed, but I managed to find 3 books before being kicked out. The only time I'm able to leave the library without checking something out is when I don't go into the library, usually when I return books after hours and entering is not an option. I wasn't planning on getting anything new to read. I have a stack of books at home that are just waiting for me to start. I was just going to return my books, pay a fine (forgot that one of the books was overdue), and walk back home. That was the plan, anyway.

I love the library. I go through phases when I don't step inside of one for years, then some feeling will draw me inside the building and I'm hooked on it all over again. Where else can you go where you're ENCOURAGED to sit all day long? I can't think of a single store that wants you to take up space, get comfortable, read as much of their material as you can handle, put it back on the shelves (or not, but I always try to put books back from whence they came), and making a purchase isn't even an option!? Usually, I go and look at the new releases. There are a few authors that I love, but I have the habit of buying those books. I go for the authors that I don't know. Then I'll go to the stacks and look for some of their previous material. Other times, I'll wander through the books and pull things semi-randomly from the shelves (yes, I am guilty of judging a book by its cover... and its title). If the excerpt and a few pages sounds good, I'll take it home. What a fantastic way to find new authors! There's just no risk to it. If you like the book, you've found something new that you may otherwise have missed. If you don't like it, just return it! No questions asked. No judgment if you didn't read it.

I'm lucky enough to live within walking distance of my local public library. It's only a few hundred yards away from my front door. In addition to that convenience, and I am aware that not everyone has a library that close to their front door, my local library system (Henrico County libraries ROCK) is on line. I can look through the complete catalog, look for books, place holds and transfer requests from any other county library, and renew them, too! I even have email reminders sent to me when books are nearing their due date (yes, I recognize the irony that I STILL manage to have overdue books). Free internet access, research material, DVDs, music, books (fiction and non), programs for adults and children, staff ready to help you. An underused asset that not enough people use.

Susan and Bowen's Baby Shower

My cousin Alice threw a baby shower for her sister and future brother-in-law on June 7, 2009 at the Four Seasons in D.C. I admit I was a little hesitant about going. It was a 2 hour drive up and back, and I wasn't staying the night since I had to work the next day. Alice had an online survey that she encouraged all of the invited guests to take. I wasn't able to take it, but she showed the survey results. It was hilarious. Alice did a wonderful job in creating the Powerpoint presentation. The tea at the Four Seasons was very nice.

I'm really using this entry as a record of the blankets that I made for the shower. I was so frazzled by the time I'd finished the second one, that I forgot to take pictures. Susan was kind enough to send me a couple. I made 2 blankets for Susan and Bowen's baby.

I took a while to decide exactly what I wanted to make for the shower. I knew that I wanted to make 2 things and that I didn't want to use a lot of pink. I wanted to use "baby" colors, but I didn't want to be so stereotypical. I started the green blanket first, since I knew it would take me longer to finish. By the time I started the 2nd one, I only had a week before the shower. I worked on it after work and karate every night. I didn't finish it until Sunday morning. I worked on it until about 2:30 Sunday morning, went to bed, and woke up at 5:30 Sunday to finish it. I wasn't done until 9:30 then had to get in the shower and get ready to go.

The details on yarn and tools for the blankets are at on my Leisure Corner site.

Returning to the Blog

There are so many things that have happened since my last post way back in December. Andrew is a healthy inquisitive boy. Lilly is doing well, even though her parents are still trying to get her to eat enough. I got hired at Circuit City at the end of February 2008 and was laid off in November of the same year. I went back to working as a contractor and now work at Suntrust Mortgage. John got married to Christine. He should remember his anniversary since it's the day after his birthday. They recently celebrated their first anniversary. My cousin Susan got engaged to her long time boyfriend, Bowen. She's also pregnant with a girl. Due in July. Brian sold the karate school, and I've somehow managed to take over the vast majority of the teaching duties. Getting ready to conduct my first test and will have the unpleasant job of evaluating students and telling some that they are not quite ready for the next level.

I guess that would be what's been happening in a nutshell! I'll expand on a few things in further posts!

Definitely a big difference between being laid off and having the summer off!

Here's another one!

Okay, I admit it's been ages since I've last posted. There have been quite a few things going on, but none of them are really worth recapping. Not now, anyway. There is something worth announcing, though.

I HAVE A NEW NEPHEW!


Andrew Sung Eun Han was born to Tommy and Jenni Han. He arrived yesterday by C section. Born at St. Mary's Hospital in Richmond VA at 10:34 AM. He weighs 9 pounds 0 ounces and is 20 3/4 inches long. Funny how babies and infants are long. I guess they don't qualify for height until they're able to get vertical.
I've posted a few things about Lilly, the new big sister, and some of the challenges she's had. Andrew is quite different. If you can think of a comparison to be made, they are almost the exact opposite of each other.

I will post more announcements along with pictures in the very near future. I am so excited!

Thought of the Day

Okay, so I missed my thought of the week, therefore, I am going to inflict a thought of the day. I know it doesn't make up for my slip, but at least I'm trying!

I think my father (and all you other fishers out there) can appreciate this one:

"There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot."
-George Carlin

Thought of the Week

"And a tree in a forest does make a sound when it falls, even if no one is around. The forest is always there."

The Science of Discworld
-Terry Pratchett, Ian Stewart, Jack Cohen

Events of the week

I am coming to realize that I don't post to really share things. I'm using this as a personal log of the things that happen. A journal of events and thoughts, if you will. I usually don't write stuff down, even those things I want to remember. As I get older, I realize that there are more and more things that I don't want to forget, and this blog is as good as any other forum for me to remember things. Of course, anyone who wants to take a look can get a view of what goes on in my mind and in my head. Oh, well. One of the many risks of putting things about your life on line.

This week. As I wrote a couple of posts ago, Tommy and Jenni got married. Monday morning I picked up the maid of honor, Miriah, and we met Tommy and Jenni for breakfast. Wonderful. Took them to the airport, etc. I spent the rest of Monday and Tuesday doing very little and sleeping a whole lot.

Do you ever have days where you completely forget what day of the week it is? You're doing things, you have appointments and meetings, but you get down to it and you realize you don't actually know what day of the week it is? That's been this week. I knew I had to be somewhere the day after my rest day, and after that, the days slipped past me.

Wednesday I drove up to New Jersey to meet with my boss and discuss my future in the company. The meeting wasn't until the next day, but he wanted me to get there earlier to take me out to dinner and meet some of the other associates. That's when the days just slipped past. Wednesday, dinner. Thursday, meeting. After lunch and signing my new contract, I drove up to see one of the client sites with Tim. Spent the rest of the afternoon there. Started driving back, but the traffic was NUTS. So Tim and I decided to stop for dinner. I decided not to drive all the way back to Richmond, so I spent the night at a Marriott in Bridgewater. I had company and did not sleep alone. That always messes me up. I hardly ever sleep well with someone else in the bed. Much better being by myself. Maybe that's why I scrambled my days. Anyway, back to the story.

Left the hotel the next morning and drove home. Now, if you're keeping track, you realize I drove home on Friday. Until after I spoke with Brian on the phone, I would have SWORN that it was Thursday. I either lost a day melted a couple of days together. Nonetheless, I was a bit confused. It threw me off a bit. I still have to remind myself that it's now Saturday, not Sunday. That's what happens when you've had 2 weeks that have been completely crazy without an underlying routine to keep things on track.

Now I know when I am... I think.

On second thought...

I was just reading over the post about the wedding. Maybe I shouldn't have put in the details about what happened AFTER the wedding. Not that it's unusual for the bride and groom to have a little too much at their wedding. Neither of them were bad while most of the guests were there. It wasn't until most of the people had left that things got a bit nuts.

It could have been worse. I could have given the details of what happened with my brother John!

What a weekend!

I don't say it often, but thank God it's Monday! The week was crazy, ending with a wedding. Here's the run-up:

I spent Thursday making fudge. Not just a little bit, but a lot. Why? Tommy and Jenni (my brother and his fiance) told me that they would like to give fudge as wedding favors for the guests and would I be willing to make it. Jenni loves the fudge I make. So much so, she almost made herself sick on it. I said sure! No problem. I would be glad to. I must have been insane. It's the only explanation I have for agreeing. Initially, they were expecting about 125 to 150 guests. Wanted 3 different kinds of fudge (chocolate, peanut butter, rocky road), one piece of each in a small organza bag. I can do that. By the time of the wedding the count was up to 225 people. 15 pounds of sugar, 5 pounds of chocolate, 3 pounds of peanut butter, 1 pounds of nuts, and over 3 pounds of marshmallows (and they're all air!) later, I was finished.

Friday. The day wasn't that bad. I was able to work out in the morning and kind of relax. Then comes the evening. Got to Tommy and Jenni's about 4 4PM and was going to start filling the little bags with fudge. Then I realized I needed to run to the cleaners before they closed to pick up clothes, including 2 bride's maid dressed. Back to Tommy and Jenni's. Now, I have to say that I think Jenni picked great attendants. They were there when they needed to be and did everything they could. Helped out as much as possible. Didn't complain or make a big deal out of anything. Wanted everything to roll as smoothly as possible. Tommy's guys, on the othe hand. Jenni, Shannon, Mirriah, Jenni's Aunt Debbie, and I stuffed the little bags of fudge. Tommy even helped out. We were finished in less than an hour. Anne called a little later and Jenni's neighbor Julie stopped by to help, but we were finished. No problem. I went over the wedding programs with Tommy and Charlene, the wedding director, and Tommy spent time formatting and then figuring out what to do about printing. While we did fudge, Tommy's guys were supposed to carve pumpkins with an H to be used for table toppers. The only one of his guys to show up was Bryan Curtis with his wife. Another groomsman, Mark, called, but by the time he was going to get there, it was after midnight and he was told not to worry about coming out. My other brother, John wanted to hang out in NoVa with his friend. Big help he turned out to be. We cleaned out and carved 18 pumpkins. It took hours. I left at 2 AM. Sleep at 3.

Saturday morning. Didn't have anything scheduled until 11:30. Didn't have to arrive at Tommy and Jenni's until then to go to brunch at Jenni's mom's house. Did I get to sleep until then? Of course not! I've gotten back into working out at the gym, and I didn't want to risk breaking the routine I'm trying to establish. Up at 8:30 to get the programs printed first thing in the morning. Got an INCREDIBLE deal from Office Max on color copies. Took the programs to be printed. Went to the gym while waiting for the programs. Picked up the programs and headed to Costco to get a few things my mom wanted me to buy for the rehersal dinner later that night (more about that to come). Dropped off the plates, flowers, and fruit at my mom's and headed to Jenni and Tommy's place to meet up with the other bride's maids and headed out to brunch. I was a very nice spread. Tons of food. Jenni gave out her gifts. They were robes. So soft and warm. We were all tempted to wear them for the rest of the day.

Next stop. Nail salon for pedicures and manicures. A few of us were ticklish. Mirriah, for example. Generally speaking, pedicures are really relaxing. Get to soak your feet in warm water, sit in a massage chair, and just do very little. Unless you're ticklish. Then it's almost torture!





Even the bride couldn't resist the tickle factor!





After the manicures and pedicures, we headed back to Tommy and Jenni's to get ready for dinner at my mom's. That was nice. There was a miscommunication, and my mother didn't seem to have invited anyone, but a lot of Jenni's family was able to make it. Lots of food, again. I was seriously wondering if I would be able to get into my dress on the day of the wedding.

During the dinner, Jenni and Lilly changed into their hambuks. Lilly wore the one she had for her 1st birthday. It now fits. My mom bought one for Jenni and wanted her to wear it. My mom and dad were teaching Jenni the right way to bow in her hambuk and Lilly, at almost 2, was copying them. She's showing how well she can bow, too! All the festivities at my mom's ended around midnight. Got to sleep after 2 AM. Another long day finished.

Sunday. The big day. Wedding day. I arrived at Tommy and Jenni's a little before 7 AM to wait for the wedding party to arrive. We all went over to Tuckahoe Plantation for the wedding rehersal. There by 8 AM. It was cold and awfully early in the morning. I know I wasn't exactly the brightest there. I crashed on Tommy's couch while I was waiting for everyone to get to their place. We ran through the ceremony once before I had to leave. It was my job to get back to the house and wait for Melissa, the hair stylist. I needed to make sure that someone was there when she arrived. Dayna, the make-up artist arrived early, too. Good thing I slipped out. While we waited for the wedding party to get back to the house, Melissa and I cleaned a place in the kitchen and she put my hair up in rollers, getting me started. Once the girls arrived, I went to Krispy Kreme donuts to pick up 12 dozen glazed for the groom's cake. It was something, me standing there with a head full of rollers in a busy donut shop, waiting for a load of glazed. When I got back, people were in the process of getting their hair or make-up done. Shannon's hair was finished, Mirriah's make-up was done, and Jenni was getting her hair done. Dayna put me in her chair and did my make-up.




The biggest surprise was Anne. Every time I've ever seen her, she's usually wearing a t-shirt and yoga pants. She agreed to have her make-up done, and she looked amazing.





After Jenni and I had our hair and make-up finished, we headed over to the Tuckahoe to get ready. Mirriah, Shannon, and Anne would arrive as soon as they were finished. I helped get Jenni into her gown and veil and Cathy and Nana got Funny Face into her gown. They were so beautiful.

Melissa did an incredible job, and managed to do 5 'dos on her own. Poor Anne! She was the last one to get her hair done, and we were running out of time. She was the last to arrive, and my dad was yelling at her to hurry up the whole way as she was coming up to the house. She got inside, and we hardly gave her a chance to breathe. We were all on top of her and had her undressed and into her gown in less than 5 minutes. Poor thing was freaking out, but she calmed down. She said she could see all of us in the window watching her and making her nervous.

After Anne was ready, we headed out for everything to begin. Brian Broadway performed the ceremony. He did a beautiful job. Jenni was crying even before she got to the alter. You could see the tears on her face as she was coming down the aisle. The only thing that kept me from crying was watching a bug crawling over Brian's jacket. It crawled all the way up just below his collar and then back down before coming to rest at his elbow. Tommy, Jenni, and all of the bride's maids were watching this little bug. The groom's men missed out.

After the ceremony was the party. The food was wonderful. The reception lasted for about 4 hours. It didn't feel nearly that long. I talked to Amy Curtis. I haven't seen her in years and I'd missed her so much. She thought I didn't want to see her, and I thought she didn't want to see me. I hope we'll get together before too long and talk. Spent time talking with Alice. A little bit with Susan. Heather was there. She really didn't know anyone there, and she stuck with me for a little while. She looked like she had a pretty good time. Tommy was well buzzed by the end of the night. Jin was hung over during the ceremony from a wedding he was in the previous night and continued to drink at the open bar. He was blitzed. John wasn't exactly sober, either. Apparently, Tommy had to get him dressed and to bed when we all got back to my parents' house. Jenni was throwing up in the yard. Mirriah and I managed to get her into the bathroom where she continued to empty her stomach. I eventually took Mirriah back to Tommy's house so she could get some sleep, and I got Tommy and Jenni to the Jefferson for them to spend the night. Got home at 1 AM. Sleep at 2.

Now, we get to today, Monday, October 9. Was it an easy day? Of course not! Picked up Mirriah and we left at 8 to meet Tommy and Jenni for breakfast at LeMaire. It was great, but I wish we'd had a little more time to enjoy it. Mirriah's brother picked her up, and I took Tommy and Jenni to the airport. Spending their honeymoon in Hawaii. I hope they're able to find hotels for their stay. Got home about 11 and was back in bed before 12. Didn't get out of bed until 4. I love sleep.

More pictures as I get them, and I will post them along with the ones I have. I'll update with the site!

Let's Review.... again

I am terrible at posting. I enjoy doing it, but I tend to forget. Now it's time for me to update.

September 24, I threw a bridal shower for my future sister-in-law. Now, this is a shower that the bride to be's grandmother asked me to throw. I had about a week to get it together, including finding people to call, finding a location, getting food together, etc. It turned out to be a lot of fun. Not too many people, but the few who were there seemed to enjoy themselves. I ended up getting food from Panera, shrimp cocktail, veggies, fruit, chocolates. Anyway, there were a few pictures, but I don't have them. Need to start bugging my brother about sending them to me when he gets back, but more on that later....

In Memorium

Bruce Edward Hoffman
16 June, 1968 - 21 September, 2006

"Now cracks a noble heart. Good night, sweet prince,
And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest!"
-Hamlet (V.ii.370-371)


"Bruce Edward Hoffman, 48, died on September 21, 2006. A native or Waynesboro, VA., he is survived by his wife, Catherine; and two children, Virginia and Bruce Jr. of Richmond; mother, Betty (Mrs. Henry A.) Hoffman of Waynesboro; brothers, John and Richard; and sister, Margie Johns. Memorial services will be held at 4 p.m. on Tuesday, September 26, at St. Matthew's Episcopal Church, corner of Forest and Patterson. In lieu of flowers, charitable contributions would be appreciated."
-published in the Richmond Times-Dispatch


It's difficult to think of a world without Bruce Hoffman. He had an incredible sense of humor, razor sharp wit, always quick with a comment and appreciative of a good comeback. I know that his life hasn't been easy. There were things that weighed heavily on his mind and in his heart. His life wasn't the happiest, especially over the past few years. He was often left feeling frustrated, so much so that he wouldn't be able to sleep or eat, but I saw him do his best to force himself through those times. He cared so deeply about others and never wanted to hurt anyone. He loved his family, wanting nothing but the best for them. Each hurt that they experienced cut him ten times more deeply.

I have had the pleasure, the honor to know him for only 7 years, but I can not think about the past 7 years without thinking of him. We met at karate, training together during that time. We didn't spend much time outside of classes, but we took time to talk to each other. He was a great sounding board. He happily took time to listen if I had something to say. There were a lot of things that I didn't feel comfortable telling to others, but I never felt that way talking to Bruce. He was happy for my successes and always willing to listen to my problems. He may not have an answer to them, but it helped that he would listen.

Bruce was a friend in the true sense of the word. He celebrated with you, mourned with you, the first to make you laugh. He was always willing to make himself the butt of a joke and it always made me realize that it's all right to be silly. He worked hard, tried even harder. He knew he wasn't perfect, and he never claimed to anything other than human. I will miss him very much. This human, this person, this friend. I am thankful that my life has been touched by him. That my life has been changed for the better by knowing him.

Thought of the Week

I love comics. Sometimes they say just what needs to be said in a simple, direct way. I admire that.

Let's Review

Okay, I know that a couple of weeks ago I posted that I had a big weekend coming up and I would write about it afterwards. Well, it didn't happen. Just one of those things. I was going to spend the weekend remodeling my bathrooms. Like all things that are intended, that didn't happen. Here's the rundown instead. It's still pretty fun.

Friday was pretty low key. I think I went out for a little bit, but nothing exciting. Not exciting for me to remember 2 weeks later, anyway.

Saturday: Was told at the last minute (okay, told on Friday, so I actually had a day's notice) that I was to meet with my family at Olive Garden for dinner to celebrate my mommy's birthday. it was a lot of fun. A lot of family, and the kids payed for dinner for a change. Had a good talk with my baby brother waiting for our table.

Last weekend was pretty fun. Hair appointment. Meeting with a make-up artist about wedding stuff.

This weekend. It really will be crazy. A ton of stuff to do, but I really can't talk about it until the weekend's over. I'll try to remember to write about it! Hmmm.. I really don't write much, do I? Not very interesting, eithet, but I'm having fun!

Thought of the Day

"Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety."
-Benjamin Franklin



Did you remember this anniversary? Was it in the front of you mind or did it take you by surprise? 5 years ago. Do you remember where you were when you first learned? What were you doing? What do you think we've accomplished, learned, 5 years later? 2001.09.11 That day is burned in my mind along with the day that Challenger exploded.

I remember. I missed all of the stuff on the radio and didn't hear about the planes hitting the towers until after I was in the lab. When I arrived in the lab, my PI (principle investigator) was a little harried, his wife was frantic. I had no idea why. Their eldest daughter lived in NY at the time. She saw the towers being struck from her office at work. I was listening to the radio in the car at the time the 1st tower was hit, but it wasn't on the radio. Everyone thought it was a fluke. Planes hit buildings in NY on occasion. I was walking down to the lab from my car when the 2nd tower was struck and coverage was everywhere, but I was walking, no radio, no tv. I didn't know. Then I walked into the lab.

No work was done that day. I was stunned, but it wasn't personal. It didn't feel personal until the Pentagon was hit. One of my cousins had been working in the Pentagon. I was so scared. I couldn't get in touch with him. I called my mom, brothers, anyone. I needed to know that he was okay. He was. Just stuck in DC for over 5 hours because all of the subways were shut down and he couldn't get out of the city.

My other cousin, his sister, worked (and still works) for JP Morgan. I knew that they held the largest lease in the towers, but she was based out of Philly. No reason to think she was in any danger. She was supposed to have been there. They were expecting her in the NY office that day. I learned that, and I thought I was going to go crazy. Impossible to get through to anyone. I learned she was supposed to be there and no one could get in touch with her. We didn't know where she was. I hit the floor, on my knees and prayed. She missed her train. She walked into her office in Philly, and her co-workers wondered what she was doing there. Then the planes.

We were sent home. No one was working. We were all listening to the radio, watching an old black and white TV, all of the computers were on news sites.

September 2001 was a crazy month. I moved into my apartment. Twin Towers and Pentagon. My mother told us she had breast cancer to be followed by surgery and chemo.

5 years later, what have we learned? Do we live better? A little worse? Does time dull the memory until a new event locks us down again? Are we winning or have the terrorists won? In my opinion, which counts for very little, terrorists what to change your life. One act of terrorism can change numerous lives, but they really win if they can make everyone afraid. So I ask again, are we winning or are they? How much are you willing to give up for a little secuity? No liquids on a flight unless they're provided to you by the attendants? Can I pack lip gloss in my carry on? What shoes should I wear so they're easy to take off. How early do I need to get to the airport so I don't miss my flight? 2 hours? 3 hours? Is it even worth flying? I would take me less time to drive. Should I be worried about going down the road? Of whom should I be afraid? Enemies foreign? Domestic? The person sitting across from me? Should I even leave my house? What should I be willing to sacrifice for security? Are we really more secure?

The people who lost their lives simply because they were working. Walking on the street. They had no idea. They weren't targeted specifically. They were incidental. Then there are those men and women who willingly put their lives in danger, too many who lost their lives to save others. Are we serving their memory the best way we can? Would they shake their heads at what we have done to ourselves. What has truly changed our lives more? Let's face it. Attacks are part of our country. We are the superpower. It should be expected. Not tolerated, but expected. What have we done to ourselves. Terrorists remind us to fear, but only we can build the cages, hide, and continue to live in that fear. Are we honoring those who lost their lives in the best way we can?

Here comes the weekend!

It's that time of the week once more. Friday afternoon. Getting things wrapped up at work. Going over plans for the weekend. Trying to fill some spare time, looking for some spare time among the plethora of activities that cram you days, or possibly just taking it easy and enjoying things as they come.

There are a lot of things going on this weekend, but I think I'll go through those AFTER the weekend's finished. It'll be much more interesting for me to review the aftermath instead of anticipating the activities.

My brother's wedding is coming up hard and fast. So many things to get done, and there doesn't seem to be nearly enough time, and I'm only a bride's maid! I really feel for my brother and his fiancee. There are a few things that are coming together, though. Did the whole hair thing last weekend. Thought we were just going to talk to the stylist and get some ideas, but she actually took the time to do the bride's hair as well mine and another bride's maids. We looked GOOD! Even took the hair out to dinner. Funny, isn't it? Didn't go out to a nice dinner to spend time with family and stuff. Needed to go out because of the hair.

Thought of the Week