In the Moment

Sometimes it sucks being single.  Not all the time, and it's not as if it's something I dwell on, but it does have a tendency to smack you in the face once in a while.  And it's just not being single.  Sometimes it's feeling alone.  Most of the time it's a kind of an absence.  You're not happy, sad, dissatisfied, upset, please.  You don't realize something's missing until something else comes to highlight the void.  A lot like how you find black holes, I guess.  You don't know they're there until you look at how it affects the light around it.

But the thoughts tonight aren't about some black hole, void, empty feeling.  Quite the opposite.

I made a nice dinner for myself tonight and accompanied it with a glass of wine.  The day was pretty hot, but the evening was turning out very nicely, a cool breeze as twilight was falling.  I had dinner outside by candlelight (citronella, since I happen to be mosquito bait) and took my time, enjoying each bite, reading a book and enjoying each slip of wine.  Then came the really good part.

I leaned my head back, put my feet up on another chair, and looked up.  The sun's pretty much set and it was getting darker, but I could still see well enough.  The bats flying by as they go about their nightly business, the candles flickering.  I closed my eyes and felt content.  I wasn't thinking about yesterday, I wasn't worried about what would happen at work tomorrow.  I knew how I felt at that moment.  And it was good.

I need to spend more time doing that.  Figure out how to enjoy those moments more, and to make more of my every day something worth remember.

If

by Rudyard Kipling


If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not makes dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And Lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can walk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

Comic of the Day

Sometimes siblings aren't that bad.

Ode to a Library

Bookworm's Heaven

I had to return a few library books last night. It was late, and I only had 15 minutes before the library closed, but I managed to find 3 books before being kicked out. The only time I'm able to leave the library without checking something out is when I don't go into the library, usually when I return books after hours and entering is not an option. I wasn't planning on getting anything new to read. I have a stack of books at home that are just waiting for me to start. I was just going to return my books, pay a fine (forgot that one of the books was overdue), and walk back home. That was the plan, anyway.

I love the library. I go through phases when I don't step inside of one for years, then some feeling will draw me inside the building and I'm hooked on it all over again. Where else can you go where you're ENCOURAGED to sit all day long? I can't think of a single store that wants you to take up space, get comfortable, read as much of their material as you can handle, put it back on the shelves (or not, but I always try to put books back from whence they came), and making a purchase isn't even an option!? Usually, I go and look at the new releases. There are a few authors that I love, but I have the habit of buying those books. I go for the authors that I don't know. Then I'll go to the stacks and look for some of their previous material. Other times, I'll wander through the books and pull things semi-randomly from the shelves (yes, I am guilty of judging a book by its cover... and its title). If the excerpt and a few pages sounds good, I'll take it home. What a fantastic way to find new authors! There's just no risk to it. If you like the book, you've found something new that you may otherwise have missed. If you don't like it, just return it! No questions asked. No judgment if you didn't read it.

I'm lucky enough to live within walking distance of my local public library. It's only a few hundred yards away from my front door. In addition to that convenience, and I am aware that not everyone has a library that close to their front door, my local library system (Henrico County libraries ROCK) is on line. I can look through the complete catalog, look for books, place holds and transfer requests from any other county library, and renew them, too! I even have email reminders sent to me when books are nearing their due date (yes, I recognize the irony that I STILL manage to have overdue books). Free internet access, research material, DVDs, music, books (fiction and non), programs for adults and children, staff ready to help you. An underused asset that not enough people use.